How To Ask A Guy Out...

There has been some controversy as to whether you (the girl) should wait to ask the guy out. It's a modern world, Women run Fortune 500 companies, and we're expected to just wait around for some numbskull guy to ask us out.

And before I get into the detailed instructions, I'd like to go over what it means to be asked or do the asking.

Now, I'm no angel. I've fallen victim to "let's hang out" and "let's meet up"! Shame, shame, you know my name. But what does it really mean to go out anymore? I've been taken to the movies and to dinner, I assumed we were on a date. Isn't that what we were taught as kids?! But apparently, that's not the case any longer. With smart phones in the hand of almost every American male, a girl is lucky to get half of his attention. But ladies, this goes the same for you. Quit snap chatting, unless you see a rad mullet or you won the lotto, it can wait. 

Another ploy that I've run into is "let's watch a movie". Now this one confuses me. I actually like to watch movies and tv. So if a guy wants to come over and watch the latest episode, or Horrible Bosses, I'm like "dude, let's go! I got a popcorn maker, beer, and a comfy blanket. Let's do it." And then I come to find out it's code for sex. Well, I'm about to watch this movie, that's my agenda.

Ok, so to ask a guy out, ladies, you need confidence! You're a freakin amazing creature with power. There is no reason a guy would'nt want to go out with you. So, Goddeses, here are the steps I take!! 

(Please do not take this seriously or act out in real life, I am an expert!)

1. Text approach: whether you're texting everyday or once in a while, hit him up now. Ask about him. What's new in his life? How's work? What political choices will he be making in two weeks? Does he dress up for Halloween? 

All good? Great. Now tell him your plans for the evening or weekend. Wait about 10-15 min and then have your plans fall apart. Your stupid friends are flaking and you're so bummed. Man, it sure would be nice to have dinner or drinks with someone tonight..... He should ask you out right then and there. If that doesn't work, don't fret. Those friends didn't really flake so grab them and head out without the loser.

2. Give your phone to your friend and have her text him straight up: let's go out tonight/tomorrow/soon. If that doesn't work, don't fret. You're gal pal won't let you see that movie alone. Don't forget to pick up candy beforehand. 

3. Casually go to his work. You need a new phone, car, dog sweater, or pair of Nikes for your grandma. If he doesn't have the type of job that allows for stalking, I mean "shopping", that's a pickle, get creative.

Him: "Oh, hey, what brings you in to a store you've obviously never shopped in before?" 

You: "hi, um, I need a present for someone." 

Him: "who?" 

You; "my neighbors aunts dog had puppies!"

Him: "uh...ok. We sell luggage. Are you taking a trip?"

You: "no, why? are you?"

Him: "uh, so what's new?"

You: "not much, just thinking about seeing that new (hot chicks name) movie. Have you seen it?"

Him: "no, but I want to."

You: "great, me too, it's playing at 8:40, see you then"

RUN!

Maybe these haven't worked out for you. It helps if he goes along with the script, but don't force it. Lastly, try this:

4. Go to his house. By now there has got to be an app to find his address with a phone number. Do that. Pull right in front. Leave the engine running, and doors unlocked, oh, also only do this in the dead of night in dark clothing. Knock! Knock again and again. When he answers place a bag over his head and zip tie his hands. Drag him to the car and head to Vegas. Make sure you bring his ID. 

Hey, he didn't ask you out! 

If all else fails or you are too chicken to go through with any of the above, call/text/email/snapchat: hey, let's go out! I asked, you plan!😘