This morning I had a brief meltdown. Actually, it was probably the shortest meltdown I have ever had. Those who know me well, know that I meltdown a lot. I'm a sensitive type, and I have tears a plenty. So, this morning the weight of all the stress I have been feeling lately hit me like a ton of bricks. I will be 29 in 5 months and to be honest I think it freaks me out more than the fact that 30 will be one year closer. I thought by now I would have it all together. I'd have a career and I would need to live paycheck to paycheck. I would have a car that doesn't shake uncontrollably at every stop. I thought I would be married with kids. I thought I would have been published by now.
Instead I have a nice job in retail, currently one of the slowest industries. A vehicle that I shouldn't talk about too loudly or it might hear me through these thin apartment walls and decide to fall apart while I'm in it. And I have a wonderful boyfriend, though I don't get to see him very much. A few years ago I did sell a couple articles to AOL, but nothing really came from that.
I know I am responsible for the choices I've made that have brought to where I am. Although, I did not decide or approve of the shutdown of two former employers. So, there were a couple things out of my control.
As I sit at the kitchen table and write this, my cat Dundi has found a reusable Trader Joe's bag from the hallway and has become a bag zombie: jumping around the apartment in the bag terrifying the dogs.
How do I get out of this rut and into the real life? Or am I already there and this is what my life will be?
After I had my meltdown, I turned into McDonald's. Not for food, but for a Coke. I knew I needed something to calm my nerves and it did the trick. A large Coke. The only problem with having a large soda for the first time in a long time is that when it's done, it tastes like more. At the time I was driving, so I put on an album that I usually turn to when I feel my "quarter-third life crisis" coming on. It's Hanson's Underneath: Acoustic album. The first song seemed to sum up the way I've been feeling perfectly. Hanson can always do that, though.
"I don't feel myself today, just a figure in a big monopoly game,
struggle is the price you pay, you get just enough just to give
it away."- Strong Enough To Break
Now a siren of some sort can be heard outside and Lucky is laying on the couch, lazy as ever, howling at it ever so softly. Almost as though he can't muster the energy to lift his head to properly howl.
I know things can seem dull and disoriented. Especially with this weather. I'm grateful for the rain, but my mood has shifted as well. But I want my break. I want my day in the sun. I want everything to come together and for life to be on my side rather than against me. So, this month I have fearlessly started and will proudly finish two books. I got off to a late start but, even if it kills me and it might, I will have two full books written by 11:59pm of February 28th, 2014. OK, I'm kinda scared now.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Just your average smokey, Saturday afternoon
I had an eventful Saturday afternoon:
I'm in the living room watching Psych on Netflix when I smell something burning. I jump up and make sure I've turned off the oven and the burners. All off, rice is slightly burnt, but not enough to cause alarm. I head back to the couch and notice that my bedroom is filled with smoke. I immediately start to panic. I rush to the bedroom and look around. No sign of fire. I unplug the air freshener from the wall, but it doesn't smell like what I've been looking for. I go next door to ask my neighbors if they smell anything. Nothing from their apartment, but when they walk into mine they also notice the haze and smell of something burning. We begin to knock on neighbors doors, but no one will answer. I call the property manager, again nothing. I call my friend next door to see if she's close to home and she is. She and her husband come into the apartment and by this point the smoke is so thick I dial 911.
After giving the operator a rundown and my location, she tells me to evacuate as soon as possible. I throw the leashes on the dogs and head to the hall closet for pillow cases. Luckily both cats were on my bed, so wrangling them into the pillow cases wasn't too much trouble. My friend has already taken the dogs, so I grab my cats, purse and laptop, take a quick look around and grab the quilt my mom made me and I leave with the front door open. At this point, I felt almost completely robotic. Now, thinking about it, I could have grabbed a few more important things, but my main concern were the pets. I handed the cats and my keys off to my friend who placed the cats in the car.
Two fire engines pull up and I start to shake and get a bit more anxious. I direct them to my apartment. The windows and door are open at this point and the smoke has started to clear, not before burning my eyes, though. They ask me a series of questions and look through my apartment. I text my boyfriend that my apartment might be on fire. I don't really know what else to do. One of the firemen went into the attic to see what was going on. Neighbors have filled the parking lot. For the first 15 minutes or so, the firefighters say they can't find anything. Then the one in the attic has someone go around to the back and they find the source. My AC/heating unit has burned up a belt and was only getting hotter. They shut it off. I'm a bit relieved because for a while it seemed like they didn't believe me. The AC/heating unit could have gotten hotter and with the smoke it caused, actually started a fire.
Its been about two hours since I thought my home was going to burn to the ground and I still feel uneasy. I don't think anything has ever scared me so much in my life. My friend asked why I put the cats in pillow cases. I told her I remembered reading about something about fire safety and if you have cats that's the easiest way to rescue them. I think my sister and I need to come up with a better plan, in case something does happen. i encourage everyone to have one as well.
Fire Escape Planning
Home Fire Prevention
I'm in the living room watching Psych on Netflix when I smell something burning. I jump up and make sure I've turned off the oven and the burners. All off, rice is slightly burnt, but not enough to cause alarm. I head back to the couch and notice that my bedroom is filled with smoke. I immediately start to panic. I rush to the bedroom and look around. No sign of fire. I unplug the air freshener from the wall, but it doesn't smell like what I've been looking for. I go next door to ask my neighbors if they smell anything. Nothing from their apartment, but when they walk into mine they also notice the haze and smell of something burning. We begin to knock on neighbors doors, but no one will answer. I call the property manager, again nothing. I call my friend next door to see if she's close to home and she is. She and her husband come into the apartment and by this point the smoke is so thick I dial 911.
After giving the operator a rundown and my location, she tells me to evacuate as soon as possible. I throw the leashes on the dogs and head to the hall closet for pillow cases. Luckily both cats were on my bed, so wrangling them into the pillow cases wasn't too much trouble. My friend has already taken the dogs, so I grab my cats, purse and laptop, take a quick look around and grab the quilt my mom made me and I leave with the front door open. At this point, I felt almost completely robotic. Now, thinking about it, I could have grabbed a few more important things, but my main concern were the pets. I handed the cats and my keys off to my friend who placed the cats in the car.
Two fire engines pull up and I start to shake and get a bit more anxious. I direct them to my apartment. The windows and door are open at this point and the smoke has started to clear, not before burning my eyes, though. They ask me a series of questions and look through my apartment. I text my boyfriend that my apartment might be on fire. I don't really know what else to do. One of the firemen went into the attic to see what was going on. Neighbors have filled the parking lot. For the first 15 minutes or so, the firefighters say they can't find anything. Then the one in the attic has someone go around to the back and they find the source. My AC/heating unit has burned up a belt and was only getting hotter. They shut it off. I'm a bit relieved because for a while it seemed like they didn't believe me. The AC/heating unit could have gotten hotter and with the smoke it caused, actually started a fire.
Its been about two hours since I thought my home was going to burn to the ground and I still feel uneasy. I don't think anything has ever scared me so much in my life. My friend asked why I put the cats in pillow cases. I told her I remembered reading about something about fire safety and if you have cats that's the easiest way to rescue them. I think my sister and I need to come up with a better plan, in case something does happen. i encourage everyone to have one as well.
Fire Escape Planning
Home Fire Prevention
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