I like my new place. Becuse it's mine. But I can't wrap my head around living on my own. I get so lonely. I'm not busy trying to get my life moving, so i get bored and lonely.
More on the new place later. For now, I'm so upset with myself. In less than 3 days I'll be 23. That's not old. But it's the five year mark for me. Five years since high school graduation. And I've done nothing. When I was graduating I had a detailed list of goals that I would accomplish by this birthday. Not a single one of them have happened. I just quit and tossed it aside. I got so unmotivated that I wanted to cease to exist. Completely. I've been running into former classmates left and right and what they've done in 5 years, compared to what I've done is truly amazing. I don't know why I can't get it together. I have the knowledge and the skills. I know what I want to do. But for soem reason there's this heavy hesitation. It kills me. It frightens me to turn 23 on Monday. Becasue I've done nothing for five years that is worth chatting about or listing anywhere as an acomplishment.
I'm working quite hard to change this though. I'm sticking with my dream of opening a venue in Vacaville. I've made a beginners checklist. I have a few people supporting me. I can even see every last detail, except for the name.
I'm tired at this time of night to actually write anything that might be thought provoking. i can only muster small whines. But I know I'll be okay, right? I have to be okay. I just always dreamed of being married by 23 and having my first child. Right now there's another 23 year old living that. I hope she and her family are as happy as I thought I'd be right now. AS-W!
