decisions

so I've been fiddling around in my head. kinda dangerous, but oh, well. I've decided that I have to basically invent my dream job and hope that somehow I make it into a living. SO eventually, within the next few months this blog will be combined with my youtube.com account and my promotional myspace.com account to go on to bigger and better things, until then a random video here and there as well as some writings.

a poem by me was named lalalalala at one time but the new title is better suited for it

Without a parachute

Right now I’m a twenty something with many paths to take
I’ve struggled and now on the correct main path I’m not sure where to go
This is the point in life when no one tells you what to do
Most people want you to have some sort of trophy
Some way to say you’ve been somewhere
I’ve no prize for the learning curve I’ve driven
I’ve just a long list of the roads I’ve taken
Good advice I can give
And things that would end wrong I can foresee
The pain that we cause ourselves
I can tell you how to avoid
People tell me “oh I’ve heard that situation would be bad”
I can tell you exactly what will happen
Take four shrinks and pills every shade of the rainbow
I know what will come out of the machine
I’ve worked for lies and corporations
Governments and secret societies
Now that I’ve found myself
I’m no longer searching for something to fill a void
Right now I’m just longing for all my struggles to pay off
I’d hate to have suffered for nothing but vanity
Blood sweat and endless tears have left my body in near shock
The friends that used to come save me got tired of being used
Until now I didn’t know what it meant to live and give to others
But how do you just break in and make that difference
I don’t care too much for fortune and fame as much as I do for hope
I’ve let the battle wage on inside long enough
Without a fall back, I’m jumping from safety and routine

Megan Elizabeth Brown
9/06 and 3/13/07

a poem by me

Unforgotten

To be foreseen is different
From the shallow
Grave you lie in
You were never at the back
Of the class, end of the list
Unforgotten, despair took over
The tangled web you had
Constructed when rain
Came shelter was no
Friend to you now you
Dare to ask me of
All the betrayed to
Help unearth your
Now fragile once golden
Body and lead you to
A life I’ll show you how
To lead honestly
Move with passion and force
Gentle to a lasting touch
But what if for an
Instant my gaze is
Not upon you
Will this old dog continue
Ancient deadly tricks
Don’t touch me as I
Walk away from the
Grave you lie in
Leave your eyes open tight
The dirt might sting

Megan Elizabeth Brown
9/06

A song by me

World Outside

A world outside full of promise and lies and “if you stay the night, I’ll be sure to stay for now”, kind of sick and twisted vows, a place born to fall apart, with a mouse click to find a heart, and everyone I thought I loved gave me no reason to wake up daily, iced coffee, sweet dreams, divas flying high in a place of make believe and nobody lied, so I rose and wrote letters to my lovers, who only print the words I can’t stand to hear, I fall hard into this world of fear and loneliness, would you, would you, have you ever thought of something other than that piece in your pants needing satisfaction, the love-em and break-em, beat-em and thieve-em kind of boy, who broke through a window to hide from his own demons and then became mine, go back outside to a world filled with promising lies and hearts only too willing to give you less than you deserve

Megan Elizabeth Brown
3/8/07

Running around in circles

I’m as unorganized as I ever have been. So. I honestly don’t care. I look at my messy room and desk and agree that something should be done. But I just don’t feel like doing anything, yet. If I keep the door closed no one has to look at it anyway. And my dogs like me just as I am. Isn’t that what matters??? Okay, so I will tidy up a bit, but what should I do with all this stuff. I have tons of stuff. Stuff I want to throw away, give away, recycle, and such. So I start moving things around, I turn them into piles: RECYCLE, DONATE, TRASH, STORAGE, DESK/FILE, CLOSET. Yes that should be good. So now I have all this stuff “categorized” into six piles. Now I’m tired of cleaning and I think I’ll watch a season of Friends, perhaps season 4. But the piles are on my bed and in front of my book shelf. Okay that’s fine everything is already in piles anyway. So I move the RECYCLE and DESK/FILE piles back to my desk, I put STORAGE and CLOSET in open combined pile in the actual closet. I move DONATE back to where most of the stuff came from in the corner. And I actually walk down stairs and throw away the trash piles, because lets face it no one likes trash. I’m thirsty, so I think I’ll get a drink of water. Oh! On my way to the trash can I find a few boxes in the garage that will definitely help me get “organized”. So I get my drink and start to head back up stairs. A quick glance at my sleeping puppy sidetracks me and I sit down in the living room and start to go through a couple of piles in the living room. Hey! This is stuff I was looking for (4 magazines, endless pieces of mail, a couple pair of shoes, a sweater, sunglasses, and the black purse I tore up my closet searching for.)! this is great. I’ll just fill up these handy boxes and take them up stairs. Alright! Where should I put all this stuff from downstairs in the boxes from the garage that I got to help organize what was already in this room to begin with? Well, when I moved the STORAGE and CLOSET piles I made a small walk way on the floor. That looks like a good spot. Okay, now on to Friends season 4. Wait, wow! This room is kind of messy. I’m pretty unorganized. I don’t care I can still get to my DVD player. But really the desk is kind of distracting, maybe I should pick things up a bit . . . . .

Come on, who else cycles through this!

Current Obsession: Nine In The Afternoon

I’m not bashful about it. I love Panic At the Disco. Yes, there was a time when I couldn’t stand to even look at those sweet babyish faces, but I don’t know. I kinda just let myself get lost in everything that was hidden in the lyrics and every note. So, it’s no wonder that I’m captivated by “Nine In The Afternoon.” I have to say that this is not all my fault. I actually first heard it on someone elses MySpace page and stole it from him: John Keefe.
Anywho, this song, for some reason really speaks to me. It makes me want to wake up at nine in the afternoon. I know that if anyone takes the lyrics quite literally then they’ll just think I’m a nut case. But really, think about it and listen. It’s marvelously, ridiculously addicting and perhaps one of the best songs I’ve heard this year. At least as far as Panic goes!!