Rolling Stone Stalker?

So I go to my mail box, because Ally never checks the mail, and what do I see? Robert Downey Jr. As he is on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Now you tell me if this is weird or not. The August 7Th issue was sent to my parents (and my former address)house with my name on it no extra forwarding stickers. And the new issue that i received today was sent to my new address, again without forwarding stickers. The address box on the cover couldn't be more perfect. This is completely odd as i don't subscribe to Rolling Stone. I read the articles I want online but other than that its just not something I go out of my way to get. What's the deal?

Oh and I signed up for Red Box rentals. You know the !$ a night rental thing inside Raleys. Well since I signed up (and its free) for texts from them I got a free movie rental. So I thought hey, Mad Money isn't in my NetFlix que line so why not get it for free? I'm just not into movies right now. I found it so boring and didn't even get half way through it. I'm a big movie fan, whats going on? I'm probably so preoccupied with getting settled, weekend events, and all sorts of unnecessary stress that I just can't relax enough to watch a movie!

*deep breath* Maybe soon!

a possibility

just kidding, mom!

Things are better now

I've taken a deep breath and I'm no longer having an anxiety attack from that horrid dream. Thank goodness. I talked it out and I'm good now. My current dilema: i have 12 mice and need to get rid of some. i have to face the facts of life that a few are going to be fed to snakes. i hate the fod chain for this. And I already named them all!!

a nightmare, just a nightscare

I haven't blogged in quite some time. I've been busy. I just have to get this out. Last night I has the most frightening dream of my life. I'm not even sure it was a dream. I have trouble sleeping, all the time every other night. And this isn't too unusual. I'm still adjusting to my apartment and twin size bed. But I slept uneasy long before that. Now I'm not sure if this was my dream or it really happened which is even scarier. And I jolted awake crying and the thought of it makes me cry now. If I was sleeping then I was dreaming that I was awake in my room in the dark just lying there. Then the door opened and a tall man in a dark leather or motorcycle jacket came in my room walked over to my bed with his arms by his side and his hands in fists. He peered in through my canopy and had bright slivers for eyes, grunted heavy and slightly pumped his fists by his waist and turned on his heel and left through the door closing it behind him. That's when I jolted and slightly raised my head. I immediately took my pulse and it was racing, my forehead was broken out in a sweat and I was laying exactly as I was in the possible dream. It felt so real. I pulled my covers and reached for my cell phone and clutched in it my hand as I fell back to sleep.
Now I don't watch scary movies for this reason. I watched a pleasant Adam Brody movie before I went to bed. That I know of no one crazy is stalking the streets and breaking into second story apartments. I do remember hearing my sister come home and when i woke from the dream it was only thirty minutes later. I don't know what this means, if it was real (which I hope it wasn't), or what to think of it. I have never been so scared in my entire life.

Moved, started unpacking, still stress and I'm 23 in less than 3 days

I like my new place. Becuse it's mine. But I can't wrap my head around living on my own. I get so lonely. I'm not busy trying to get my life moving, so i get bored and lonely.

More on the new place later. For now, I'm so upset with myself. In less than 3 days I'll be 23. That's not old. But it's the five year mark for me. Five years since high school graduation. And I've done nothing. When I was graduating I had a detailed list of goals that I would accomplish by this birthday. Not a single one of them have happened. I just quit and tossed it aside. I got so unmotivated that I wanted to cease to exist. Completely. I've been running into former classmates left and right and what they've done in 5 years, compared to what I've done is truly amazing. I don't know why I can't get it together. I have the knowledge and the skills. I know what I want to do. But for soem reason there's this heavy hesitation. It kills me. It frightens me to turn 23 on Monday. Becasue I've done nothing for five years that is worth chatting about or listing anywhere as an acomplishment.

I'm working quite hard to change this though. I'm sticking with my dream of opening a venue in Vacaville. I've made a beginners checklist. I have a few people supporting me. I can even see every last detail, except for the name.

I'm tired at this time of night to actually write anything that might be thought provoking. i can only muster small whines. But I know I'll be okay, right? I have to be okay. I just always dreamed of being married by 23 and having my first child. Right now there's another 23 year old living that. I hope she and her family are as happy as I thought I'd be right now. AS-W!

new career move

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so, yea now I work at Border's since school is out. New career decision: open a venue in Vacaville, since some are closing1 Any ideas? Names? Locations? I'll take all the help I can get!

20 Something

So, I've been reading (yes I know, shocking isn't it!) this book that isn't really telling me what to do as much as help me figure out what I want and how I want to do it. If that makes sense, read on. I've been struggling with this kind of large concept that I just can't seem to get me head around. It's gotten to the point that I am nearly panicking at the mere thought. I feel a bit unaccomplished. I am nearing 23 and the 5 year mark from high school graduation. Kids I babysat are graduating. How'd that happen? My peers are getting married off, making partner, graduating and have one job that pays the bills. Not to mention those of them having . . . not puppies, no they got puppies awhile ago, but babies. Yes. I'm at a place where I can see the future as it relates to the summer, but everything else is a complete blur.
Okay, so that's my current crisis: the 20 something crisis. Now I know what I want to do, err what I don't want to do. I don't want to finish school, at least not now. I don't want to continue living in my parents house for the rest of my life. And I don't want to move half way around the country for a change of scenery when I like California.
So, now that all of that is on the table, here's how I'm changing my life. Well for one I'm going to start living it. No more sidelines for Brownie. When I want something, I'll find a way to get it. This does not mean that I'm going to become some self centered-materialistic-plastic swiping-skinny shopaholic. It means that this is my one short life. And I am going to live it. I've already started to take charge of my health. Allergies aside, I am so glad to be healthy again. I've realized how unfond, if that's a word, of ER's I am. yea, not a good place to be, but some cool scars to show for it. I've also decided that i am the one who made myself fat. Yep that's right, I've finally found the culprit. So, I've already taken action to fix that. I took some rather revolting pictures of myself, just as a bit of encouragement. They will most likely NEVER reach the Internet, at least not for a while. Like when I'm skinny and can physically show how mush of an improvement I have made! Okay, so I am also going to do everything. Well, everything that interests me at least. May will be the Kick off of my website, where all things brownie will be in one fantastic home. This blog and my promotional myspace will be connected. I'm very excited about that. Okay, well I'd better skedaddle because Kim Possible is on and my tummy is a bit grumbly.
I'm still kinda looking for Mr Right! As in I'm not conducting interviews or looking/taking out adds, but if he happened upon my life then YAY! So if you see him, you can send him my way, or not. And if he happens to be a certain lead singer-guitar player-former drummer-Prince fan- music producer-genius-and PW's best friend, then that might be alright too!

A song by me: The truth hurts worst of all

The truth hurts worst of all

Tell me the truth was I ever the one with you, when you smiled said “this is nice”, and made me laugh about a trip to Rome, I’ll tell you where to roam and how to get there, just be lucky I’m no Carrie, if I were you’d be sorry, your problems are much more than I’d ever want to deal with, dealing drugs and pedaling hookers would be easier, easier for me to understand, and then the pain wouldn’t be real, but real it is, so I’ll find another man, a better man a real man who can love me, really love me and has more to give me than I know what to do with, without, withhold, withheld a love not really more lust and so hot one touch could have ruined me, could have made me marry you prematurely, not without pain and knives sharpened to sting hard and cut fast, cut you off.

Megan Elizabeth Brown
3/9/07

Again with the distraction

I'm so easily scatterer brained sometimes. I got on the Internet twenty minutes ago to look for something rather quickly, didn't find it and proceeding somewhere else. I then organized my favorites and checked out a few blogs that i subscribe to. Then I thought, hey i haven't posted anything in quite sometime, so here I am. I woke up today with a short mental list of things to do. I have to work in just a few hours and surprisingly my list is checked off completely. But then you know how you add to any list you make? Well, I'm there. I boxed up all the clothes from my closet that i either haven't worn in over a year or are just too hot to wear currently. In doing so I created a 3 foot gap in my closet so it will be easier to store all the clothes that usually find a home on the floor of the closet or in a pile my my sewing machine. So, now I'm working on that. Speaking of sewing machine. I'm successfully wearing a skirt that I hand made and designed. Whoo-Hoo!!! I look foreword to all the possibilities the sewing machine will bring. I have a few patterns/material sets cut out for more skirt, blouses, purses, and dresses. Yay! Pictures will be up soon. Also I have an amazing hoodie that I'm working on. Alright enough stalling, I have clothes to hang and more scattering to do. Enjoy life!

decisions

so I've been fiddling around in my head. kinda dangerous, but oh, well. I've decided that I have to basically invent my dream job and hope that somehow I make it into a living. SO eventually, within the next few months this blog will be combined with my youtube.com account and my promotional myspace.com account to go on to bigger and better things, until then a random video here and there as well as some writings.