a poem by me was named lalalalala at one time but the new title is better suited for it

Without a parachute

Right now I’m a twenty something with many paths to take
I’ve struggled and now on the correct main path I’m not sure where to go
This is the point in life when no one tells you what to do
Most people want you to have some sort of trophy
Some way to say you’ve been somewhere
I’ve no prize for the learning curve I’ve driven
I’ve just a long list of the roads I’ve taken
Good advice I can give
And things that would end wrong I can foresee
The pain that we cause ourselves
I can tell you how to avoid
People tell me “oh I’ve heard that situation would be bad”
I can tell you exactly what will happen
Take four shrinks and pills every shade of the rainbow
I know what will come out of the machine
I’ve worked for lies and corporations
Governments and secret societies
Now that I’ve found myself
I’m no longer searching for something to fill a void
Right now I’m just longing for all my struggles to pay off
I’d hate to have suffered for nothing but vanity
Blood sweat and endless tears have left my body in near shock
The friends that used to come save me got tired of being used
Until now I didn’t know what it meant to live and give to others
But how do you just break in and make that difference
I don’t care too much for fortune and fame as much as I do for hope
I’ve let the battle wage on inside long enough
Without a fall back, I’m jumping from safety and routine

Megan Elizabeth Brown
9/06 and 3/13/07

a poem by me

Unforgotten

To be foreseen is different
From the shallow
Grave you lie in
You were never at the back
Of the class, end of the list
Unforgotten, despair took over
The tangled web you had
Constructed when rain
Came shelter was no
Friend to you now you
Dare to ask me of
All the betrayed to
Help unearth your
Now fragile once golden
Body and lead you to
A life I’ll show you how
To lead honestly
Move with passion and force
Gentle to a lasting touch
But what if for an
Instant my gaze is
Not upon you
Will this old dog continue
Ancient deadly tricks
Don’t touch me as I
Walk away from the
Grave you lie in
Leave your eyes open tight
The dirt might sting

Megan Elizabeth Brown
9/06

A song by me

World Outside

A world outside full of promise and lies and “if you stay the night, I’ll be sure to stay for now”, kind of sick and twisted vows, a place born to fall apart, with a mouse click to find a heart, and everyone I thought I loved gave me no reason to wake up daily, iced coffee, sweet dreams, divas flying high in a place of make believe and nobody lied, so I rose and wrote letters to my lovers, who only print the words I can’t stand to hear, I fall hard into this world of fear and loneliness, would you, would you, have you ever thought of something other than that piece in your pants needing satisfaction, the love-em and break-em, beat-em and thieve-em kind of boy, who broke through a window to hide from his own demons and then became mine, go back outside to a world filled with promising lies and hearts only too willing to give you less than you deserve

Megan Elizabeth Brown
3/8/07

Running around in circles

I’m as unorganized as I ever have been. So. I honestly don’t care. I look at my messy room and desk and agree that something should be done. But I just don’t feel like doing anything, yet. If I keep the door closed no one has to look at it anyway. And my dogs like me just as I am. Isn’t that what matters??? Okay, so I will tidy up a bit, but what should I do with all this stuff. I have tons of stuff. Stuff I want to throw away, give away, recycle, and such. So I start moving things around, I turn them into piles: RECYCLE, DONATE, TRASH, STORAGE, DESK/FILE, CLOSET. Yes that should be good. So now I have all this stuff “categorized” into six piles. Now I’m tired of cleaning and I think I’ll watch a season of Friends, perhaps season 4. But the piles are on my bed and in front of my book shelf. Okay that’s fine everything is already in piles anyway. So I move the RECYCLE and DESK/FILE piles back to my desk, I put STORAGE and CLOSET in open combined pile in the actual closet. I move DONATE back to where most of the stuff came from in the corner. And I actually walk down stairs and throw away the trash piles, because lets face it no one likes trash. I’m thirsty, so I think I’ll get a drink of water. Oh! On my way to the trash can I find a few boxes in the garage that will definitely help me get “organized”. So I get my drink and start to head back up stairs. A quick glance at my sleeping puppy sidetracks me and I sit down in the living room and start to go through a couple of piles in the living room. Hey! This is stuff I was looking for (4 magazines, endless pieces of mail, a couple pair of shoes, a sweater, sunglasses, and the black purse I tore up my closet searching for.)! this is great. I’ll just fill up these handy boxes and take them up stairs. Alright! Where should I put all this stuff from downstairs in the boxes from the garage that I got to help organize what was already in this room to begin with? Well, when I moved the STORAGE and CLOSET piles I made a small walk way on the floor. That looks like a good spot. Okay, now on to Friends season 4. Wait, wow! This room is kind of messy. I’m pretty unorganized. I don’t care I can still get to my DVD player. But really the desk is kind of distracting, maybe I should pick things up a bit . . . . .

Come on, who else cycles through this!

Current Obsession: Nine In The Afternoon

I’m not bashful about it. I love Panic At the Disco. Yes, there was a time when I couldn’t stand to even look at those sweet babyish faces, but I don’t know. I kinda just let myself get lost in everything that was hidden in the lyrics and every note. So, it’s no wonder that I’m captivated by “Nine In The Afternoon.” I have to say that this is not all my fault. I actually first heard it on someone elses MySpace page and stole it from him: John Keefe.
Anywho, this song, for some reason really speaks to me. It makes me want to wake up at nine in the afternoon. I know that if anyone takes the lyrics quite literally then they’ll just think I’m a nut case. But really, think about it and listen. It’s marvelously, ridiculously addicting and perhaps one of the best songs I’ve heard this year. At least as far as Panic goes!!

It's about time . . . I guess

This is something I'm not sure if I want to share with the rest of the world. But then again, I'm not sure many people read my blog anyway. Tonight, I'm sad. I'm truly sad and I don't know how to fix this, for the first time in my life I can't fix my problems. I've never dated. I've never had a boyfriend. I'm 22.5 years old and past the age both my older sisters were engaged/married. Some people have said to just enjoy my single life. I'm free and can do anything I want. I do want a career, I want to travel and have a lived life. But I want someone to do that with. I'm a homebody more than anything I guess. I want to get married. I want to have a family. I want that. I really do. I'm not looking for safety and security. I want love and I want to live in my own home with my husband. I don't want to continue passing my peers who are married and some with children. I don't understand what is so wrong with me that I can't find someone. I'm pretty. I have a great figure, sure a few extra inches here and there but I look good. I like the way I look. I'm a fairly confidant woman. I walk into venuse to see somone perform and i own the place. Seriously, peopel have asked me who I work for or if I'm with the band. Thats how I carry myself. So, where is my prince charming, huh?

one for the guys

So, let me start by saying, according to what I’ve seen and/or been told I am one of the few lame people left on this earth who has not seen Super Bad. Big deal, right?!! Well, I’m told that I need to see it to complete my life. Hahaha yea, so that probably won’t happen. I find it kinda starange that when I was 19 the guys (yea guys not gals as I just don’t mesh too well with gals) I hung with respected me too much to let me sit along side them and watch a movie such as Sin City or whatever American Pie was out at the time. Now, at nearly 23 the guys I hang around (who happen to be a completely different group, they’ve never even met my old posse) nearly demand that I see Super Bad. I’ve been told that this movie would offend me far too much for me to see it. Now, I’m not some up tight goody too shoes, but I just don’t feel that I have to subjet myself to extremely crude humor. I said this to my guys. They told me to “man up” esspically if I wanted to someday work as a tour manager/manager for bands as 90% of the business is male. WHAT? Needless to say that since my guys are all from work, some one was scrubbing drains and it wasn’t me. HA!
Now I really don’t know how to take “advice” from someone like that. Even more so since they have the strangest opnions on women and relationships. A subjet that I may argue about, but since I’ve had the same number of boyfriends that Fall out Boy has had failed records (hmmm that would be ZERO) I never get much in edgewise. Now I love my guys, don’t get me wrong and tomorrow will be another great day hanging with them, but it’s times like this (their umm lets say their slightly schovinistic opnions and behavior) that really don’t make me wonder why I’m still single.
I am the type of girl that is a “guys girl”. Since I was 6 months old my best friends have always been guys. I was the biggest tomboy, stopped everything on a dime for any sport, and wouldn’t think twice about thorwing a punch or two. Only 3 times in my life have my closeest friends been gals. I usually can’t stand gals. Their too catty. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love to go out with my girls too, but I’ve always been closer to the guys. It was like having older and sometimes younger brothers. Okay, now I’m older and I do enjoy dressing up a bit, and I go to shows with my girls because it’s weird to talk about the hotness of all the bands with my guys.
So, is it weird that my guys are all for this great beast of a movie Super Bad and would throw all of my thoughts and feeling to the wind for a crude laugh? Or am I just over reacting? I usually don’t mind these discussions that we have, but this has been going on for months now. I guess for now I’m just protesting the movie until someone can convince me otherwise. Hmmmm . . . ..

Nirvana and Papa Roach

Alright, so I love working on days that we play good mucis. Don’t get me wrong I love Frank Sinatra and James Brown. Sia is great, we’ve been playing a lot of great music lately. But recently Starbucks (my place of work, yes you want cofee now right!) has added some great music to their playlist and I couldn’t be happier. I had a pretty crappy and depressing week, yea, Tuesday’s tragedy has definitely taken a toll on me. I came in today reday to snap the next person I saw in half. I’ve just been out of it this week, I can’t sleep, at least not at night. I even snapped at my kids this week (the ones I teach, I have no children) and I never do that. So I was so thrilled to hear Death Cab For Cutie and then one of my all time favorites . . . . Nirvana. Yay!!! The night got so much better. Then one of the guys played them again, I guess I kinda scared him, good!!!

Oh, and the last tid bit of the night. One of the guys started free-styling, cause that what we do at our Starbcuks, ahaha. Anyway, it was with the lyrics (that he knew) of Last Resort by Papa Roach. I alwayssmile at Last Resort. For 5 reasons:

1. I know just about everyone in the music video!!!!
2. Their from right here in Vacaville, Ca. My beloved hometown. NOT Sacramento!!
3. My older sisters have dorky band camp photos of Coby from highschool when they used ot hang out. My little sister was friends with Coby’s younger brother and I teach one of his little relatives (cousin/niece I’m not sure).
4. I was on campus and sncuk out into the hallway when MTV was at my school my junior year to do their documentry.
5. The best Chinese food on the planet can be found at Imperial China Kitchcn or Imperial to save breath. This happens to be P Roach’s fav Vacaville joint and mine as well. When you walk in you’ll see their photos everywhere! From garage band days to the most recent magizine article!!! Come to Vacaville and I will take you to the best Chinese on the planet aka Papa Roach’s favorite place!!

That’s all!!

The sum 0f 2007

The Sum of Things of 2007

# of broken hearts 1
# of dates 1
# of hair colors 3
# of bands met lost count at Warped Tour
# of live shows again lost count at Warped Tour
# of blogs 6 WHY?
# of important people in my life that I lost 2
# of friends I can’t live without too many to count AWWWW
# of car accidents 1
# of classes registered for and dropped 5
# of career changes 2
# of dreams come true 6
# of hang overs 1
# of days to San Francisco never enough
# of times I’ve been thankful beyond words 31,536,000
(that’s how many seconds are in one year!!!)
# of personal growth moments too many to count
# of musical crushes 4
# of crying rages a lot less than 2006 hahaha
# of meet and greet mishaps 3
# of hospital visits 4 (that’s more than usual for me)
# of misdirected road trips 8
# of memories endless
# of pants ripped due to jumping off furniture William Beckett style 1
# of whipped cream fights behind the counter at least 4
# of stickers on the back of my car 11
# of restraining orders from Gerard Way 0 so far
# of Kiki’s jokes about my reading of a book to change a tire 8 until I punched her
# of days I realized I have a place here and some people cant live without me . . . 365

As 2008 begins

So, to start off 2008 I did something I’ve never done before. I got up as usual this morning, took Lucky out, made breakfast, this was about 10:30 or 11. Then since the tv was already on I sat on the couch and just watched. It was hockey. Never before in my 22 and a half years have I watched the sport. Unless you count all 3 of the Mighty Ducks movies! Okay, I didn’t actually watch the game because it took so long for the national anthem, which was Canada’s anthem by the way and America the Beauitiful, that by the time they introduced all the players I was bored. But for the record hockey players are not all oafish looking as stereotypes may be. It was as they announced two of the players that I started to drift off into Brownie Land! One of the players on the Penguins team (I only remember that because I happen to adore penguins!) had the last name of Crosby. That got me to think of Bing Crosby and other late crooners. That led me to think of the Rat Pack, then I began wondering if there was a film about the Rat Pack. It was then that Oceans 11 and 12 entered my head and I thought to myself “I still haven’t seen Ocean’s 13.” And then I thought about how I have Julia Roberts like(ish) teeth. So I went upstairs to brush my teeth because I had just eaten breakfast. That’s when my mom called me into the office to crawl under the desk to lok for somehting that we still haven’t found. It was an odd morning. But I feel good about this year. So many new chances and opportunities. I see so many things happening. But mostly I see myself gloing to sleep in the nest 35 minutes or so. So, good night!